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***Wiggle trials doesn't hold responsibility for any stunts undertaken under the instructions described on this page. This page is for humour purposes only and should not be porformed under these guidelines...unless you're a complete nutter***
Wiggle trials
How not to - Drop off
1) Brag to your mates how good you are at drop offs. Get really big headed and say how you've done 20 foot drops without a chain and brakes.
2) Say to your friends how amazing your going to be. Invite them to over to watch you.
3) Find a 10 foot drop and say to your mates that you did this once before without even noticing and you've done one double the size before.
4) Give your friends top of the range camcorders so that they can saviour the moment forever.
5) Intentionally leave all safety gear at home (helmet, gloves, shin pads). Wear shorts and go topless so that maximum discomfort can be achieved when the inevitable happens. Also take a pair of heavy duty hand cuffs.
6) Ride to the place you're going to drop off and find a glass bottle, smash it at the bottom of the drop off, just about where you're going to land.
7) When your mates come brag to them some more about how you could do this in your sleep. Brag to the point where they start getting annoyed and they want you to hurt yourself.
8) Get on the wall and start doing an irish jig, so that you attract an audience. When you get to about 100 spectators, including your riding buddies, it's time to drop off.
9) Lubricate the side of the wall where you drop off, so you make it really slippy.
10) Cut the tubing of your brakes, making them completly useless.
11) Undo the quick release to the extent that it will come off just as you are about to drop.
12) Remind your friends to start recording and ride up to the drop.
13) Wheelie towards the drops and just as you slip and the back wheel falls off, lung forward.
14) Waves your hands emphatically and slip off the pedals so that the mid-region has maximum impact on the down tube.
15) When you realise that you are doing something really stupid and you know it is really going to hurt start crying like a baby, continuing to wave your hands.
16) Before you land try and get the bike out the way so that you can land on your knees.
17) When you do land and you can feel the glass piercing your skin, rub it in so that no skin is visible on your lower legs.
18) When everyone's crowded around you and you don't know whether everyone around you is crying with laughter or just crying, suck your thumb, curl up and shout mummy at the top of your voice.
19) Get the handcuffs out and chain yourself to the nearest lamp post so that hospital treatment is impossible.
20) When you are asked what happened by your mates just sing 'mary had a little lamb'. This makes your friends think you have completly lost it.
21) When they finally cut you from the handcuffs and send you to the hospital, ask your friends to visit you and to bring the tape of the drop. Offer to see it in slow motion. This will cause maximum embarrasment.
22) When you recover and the bike's fixed, give it to oxfam and say you can't have it for your own personal safety, therefore giving away £2000 worth of equipment.
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